– Bertrand Russell
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says “Kin ya swallar?” The woman shakes her head no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, “Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver”, but I ain’t never seed nobody do it.”
Forwarded e-mail from a classmate
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while
working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.
The old Texan said, “Well, ya know, Bush is a ‘post turtle’.”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.”
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, and you
just want to help the dumb wacko get down.”Story forward to be via e-mail by member Legend