Ramblings

God has blessed me in many ways. My parents were very humble people. Their resources for living came from a 98 acre tobacco farm in central Kentucky. At age 21 I married a 19 year old young lady from that area. We both to the vow, for better or worse very seriously. My wife, after 19 years of marriage gave birth to third son. Again we were blessed with the intelligence, the patience, honesty and Love from God to aid these three through childhood to adulthood that they could leave and join with their spouse and live upon their own.

Since my 19th year I have been treated for a mental illness. At my 45th year I was diagnosed as manic depressive while 10 years earlier I had determined I was an alcoholic. I believe this manic depressive illness came from some radical gene since 71 other adults from four generations have no such brain problems. The alcoholic most likely a search for relief.

My manic depressive/alcoholic condition has caused my wife, my children, coworkers, employers and me much pain. Again this condition can be turned into a blessing or self pity and I have lived through both. I am sure my family has too.

Living in a state of self pity, I have moved my family to many places to seek the gold at the end of the rainbow. I learned I must develop spiritual tools to end that self pity or it will slide into depression, then despair. The depression or despair is not well understood, nor is the recovery from it. My methodology has been to study and practice.
Author: harold