When I am on the roller coster of manic depression it is not easy to determine where I am. There is no way to say which direction I am going. When I become irritable, it is a very uncomfortable state. I try to control and it causes panic attacks. If I do not control, I offend the most important people in my life and then, more panic attacks. I search for more ways to correct this painful condition and it adds to more irritability. If the direction is downward I will soon enter a state of worthlessness. It will take all the energy I can muster to stop the fall. On the way up there is hope. Being a manic depressive there is never a middle ground. An inner battle is constant.