Imagine this scene: It is mid-spring 1949, in Hammondville, Kentucky. The odor of spring in Kentucky filled the air. I am sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner (lunch main meal of the day). Those with me are my mother, father, two older sisters and my Grandfather’s brother who was epileptic. The meal was, from the beginning, interrupted by my puppy/dog, about nine months old, yelping and barking chasing chickens, pigs, cattle, mules or anything this rabid dog could do to relieved her pain. I remember that part of the menu was fried chicken. Sometime after the meal began my father said he had had enough, he was taking the dog down to the stripping room, hold her there and see how her condition played out. He came back to the house later and that is all that I remember.
My memory gets fuzzy at this point but I know from other events that my sisters got mumps, then 24 to 36 hours later I got them too. On a Monday when I was very sick with the mumps my mother and father went to the Dr. in Munfordville (county seat of Hart County). They came back and stated the Dr. had advised them to take rabies shots and they had taken the first of 14 shoots. The next day all five of us went to take the shots. I still had a fever from the mumps, so I waited until Wednesday to take my first shot. All I can remember about this activity is they were very painful and we took them in our stomachs.
The next event I cannot put in any form of chronological order, but sometime during, before or after the above mentioned event, my sisters and I were engaged in some form of playful activity in the same kitchen stated before. I stated very pointedly,” I wonder how my dog is doing”, My sister replied, “Oh, Daddy had to kill your dog”. This information had an effect upon me that is just as hard to explain today as it was then. I do remember that 4 people had kept information from me that I considered very important. Was I too young to consider this information? Was my father ashamed of what he did and afraid I would not forgive? These question have never been resolved in my diseased brain. Of course it is easy to forgive those you love.
This episode created a climate of anger, fear, extreme pain and later resentment that was fanned by my mother’s verbally expressed concern. This was buried in my subconsciousness and was a breeding ground for symptoms of alcoholism and bipolar affective disorder. My first memory of this being a problem was my first visit to the happy house. They served fried chicken in the cafeteria. Although not the same time of the year, the sun was bright as the day described above. While I was eating, my subconscious mind was simulated and a panic attack struck me. I had to leave the cafeteria and go back to the ward and take some heavy sedatives. This was the first time I have memory of bringing this to my consciousness involuntarily, but not the last. I will say that I was in the program for 10 years still working on my 4th step when I found some resolution to this dilemma. Today when faced with anger out of character I can go to a quiet place and deal with this with prayer and meditation, I am aware that some of the anger is brought forth from my subconsciousness still hanging onto that scene described above. I readily admit that I have a spiritual disease. Mark Ch. 9 Vs 29 And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.Repost Some have read
Author: harold