The mind and body seem to be in a position of anxiety. No comfort from any action. Deep breathing helps. A state of mindfulness or awareness is difficult. Living in the moment is hard. When an activity is started, it is forgotten or something else need to be completed. This mind set leads to very little being accomplished and cause for a feeling of uselessness. The fact that I am able to put this to digital form is the accomplishment needed to keep me going, today.
I started taking Wellburtin on the 12th of this month for depression. My pdoc thinks I should be on an antidepressant. I started some form of cycling shortly after starting the new meds. First, chronic fatigue, then suppressed anger and by Tuesday afternoon, the 19th, I was in a state of self pity. This is a normal progression for an alcoholic. About 2:30 PM, after going to a noon fellowship meeting downtown, I laid down for a few minutes to stop the fire in my brain. My phone rang and It was Jimmy informing me of Don’s strange accident that caused his death.
Here is where my feelings become the most strange I have experienced in my 48 years of my brain disease. At once the self pity disappeared and my thoughts began, how can I acknowledge to his family their grief. I do not know their addresses, phone calls are out of order at this time. As this thought began, the self pity disappeared and a state of usefulness began.
I began to read the obituary, I was not aware of some of his accomplishments. I remember Don as a soft spoken friend of Bill W., who had the ability to carry a message with that soft voice and his silence. Don was also a businessman many would envy. I am sure his family will have blessed memories of Don and he will be in their thoughts forever. Hopefully his death caused by this tragic incident will be replaced with those good memories.
When I was 5-6 years old, I remember my mother was getting dressed up to go somewhere. I did not think it would be very much fun go. As I was complaining I wanted to stay home, she stated emphatically, “Get dressed, my best friend’s mother has died and I must be with her.”
To my friends of Bill W. I will share this message, sadness and a sense of duty are far better than that terrible spiritual malady of self pity.
BERWYN HEIGHTS, Maryland: Mayor Cheye Calvo update 8/10/08
From The Text:
BERWYN HEIGHTS, Maryland: Mayor Cheye Calvo arrived home from work, saw a package addressed to his wife on the front porch, took it inside and put it on a table.
Suddenly, police with guns drawn kicked in the door and stormed in, shooting to death the couple’s two dogs and seizing the unopened package.In it were 14.5kg of marijuana. But the drugs evidently did not belong to the couple.
Police say the couple appeared to be innocent victims of a scheme by two men to smuggle millions of dollars worth of marijuana by having it delivered to about a half-dozen unsuspecting recipients.
The two men under arrest include a FedEx deliveryman. Investigators said he would drop off a package outside a home and the other man would come by a short time later and pick it up.
Now federal authorities say they are looking into how local law enforcement handled the July 29 raid. FBI agent Rich Wolf said yesterday the bureau had opened a civil rights investigation into the case.
A furious Mr Calvo said he and his wife, Trinity Tomsic, had asked the Government to investigate.
“Trinity was an innocent victim and random victim,” Mr Calvo said outside his two-storey, red-brick house in this middle-class Washington suburb of about 3000 people.
“We were harmed by the very people who took an oath to protect us.”
Mr Calvo, 37, insisted the couple’s two black Labradors were gentle creatures and said police killed them “for sport”, gunning down one of them as it was running away.
All done in an effort to stop the cultivation, transporting, distribution of marijuana. A substance that has been around for 10,000 years where there is no proof of its danger.
It is the laws, stupid, not the drugs causing a violent society.