Self Pity

I started taking Wellburtin on the 12th of this month for depression. My pdoc thinks I should be on an antidepressant. I started some form of cycling shortly after starting the new meds. First, chronic fatigue, then suppressed anger and by Tuesday afternoon, the 19th, I was in a state of self pity. This is a normal progression for an alcoholic. About 2:30 PM, after going to a noon fellowship meeting downtown, I laid down for a few minutes to stop the fire in my brain. My phone rang and It was Jimmy informing me of Don’s strange accident that caused his death.

Here is where my feelings become the most strange I have experienced in my 48 years of my brain disease. At once the self pity disappeared and my thoughts began, how can I acknowledge to his family their grief. I do not know their addresses, phone calls are out of order at this time. As this thought began, the self pity disappeared and a state of usefulness began.

I began to read the obituary, I was not aware of some of his accomplishments. I remember Don as a soft spoken friend of Bill W., who had the ability to carry a message with that soft voice and his silence. Don was also a businessman many would envy. I am sure his family will have blessed memories of Don and he will be in their thoughts forever. Hopefully his death caused by this tragic incident will be replaced with those good memories.

When I was 5-6 years old, I remember my mother was getting dressed up to go somewhere. I did not think it would be very much fun go. As I was complaining I wanted to stay home, she stated emphatically, “Get dressed, my best friend’s mother has died and I must be with her.”

To my friends of Bill W. I will share this message, sadness and a sense of duty are far better than that terrible spiritual malady of self pity.

Author: harold