Month: June 2009

Maybe we should set down and define: dangerous, addictive, illegal, abusive drugs. Then we can go back to our rooms, pick up a hooker.(I have directed you to only the latest) smoke a little pot or do a little blow and we are ready to make so more laws. Start another federal agency to enforce these definitions. Scare more people. build more prisons. To hell with our broken banking and our health care systems they will fix themselves. Then we will make it okay for Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito to strip search any 10 year old girl they wish.
Author: harold

Nuns at the Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

He replied, “No money in the bank.”

The nun asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?”

He said, “Just a spinster sister, who is a nun.”

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Then send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Author: harold

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience… She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the horse’s side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune…..

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse. Received via e-mail
Author: harold

1 We’re all here because we are not all there

2 When I am up to my ass in alligators it is hard to remember that all I intended to do was drain the swamp!! Don’t Think Don’t Drink

3 I keep looking for a Pollock meeting. One very simple

4 I missed my first meeting because I was to busy
I missed my second because I was too tired
I missed my third because I was too drunk

5 I do not have any resentments. I will kill anybody that says I do

6 Don’t
a. Don’t Drink
b. Don’t piss into the wind
c. Don’t pull on Superman’s cape
d. Don’t anger an alligator until you cross the swamp
e. Don’t go around kicking hornet’s nest
f. Don’t get into a pissing contest with a skunk

7 If I con convince my sponsor that I go to bars to drink cola then I should have no trouble convincing my wife I go to whorehouses to get a kiss.

8 Practice what you preach and stop the preaching.

9 A. Our fellowship is not a ticket to heaven
B. nor is it an impediment from hell
C. but it will keep you sober long enough so you can decide where you wish to go

10 Those who know they are in charge of AA are easily replaced by those that think they are

11 We keep our pants zipped so we don’t lose our brains

12 Am I mad at who I am mad at.

13 There is a slip under every skirt and a ***** in every jock

14 Rationalization is mental masturbation

15 Stinking thinking leads to drinking

16 Don’t analyze, utilize

17 I must take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth

18 The only person more insane than an alcoholic that continues to drink is the one trying to make him stop

19 God created alcohol so the Irish would not rule the world

20 we share our experience, strength & hope. We do not preach, condemnation & despair

21. Paradoxes, we surrender to win, we give to receive

22. God ain’t on my timetable

23. Take the Irish out of AA and you can have most AA meetings in a phone booth.

24.Can’t make sense out of nonsense

25. There is a wrench for every nut in this fellowship

26. I go to fellowship meetings because the Big Book does not have pictures.

27. Asking an alcoholic not to drink is like asking a lesbian to only have sex with men

28. Knowledge Learned is Knowledge Lost, if not Passed on

29. You must know somebody to be a Al-Anon member

30. You know a person is an alcoholic if the roof of his mouth is sunburnedMore Here if any interest
Author: harold

June 11, 2009

Mr. XXXXXXXXXX
x
Portland, VA 97229

Dear Mr. X:

Thank you for contacting my office regarding drug policies in the United States. I appreciate your taking the time to share your views with me.

America’s incarceration rate raises serious questions about our criminal justice system. The steep increase in the number of people in prison is driven, according to many experts, by changes in drug policy and tougher sentencing, and not necessarily an increase in violent crime or crimes against property. Over the past two decades, we have been incarcerating increasing numbers of people for nonviolent crimes and acts driven by mental illness and drug dependence. Incarcerations for drug offenses have soared 1200% since 1980.

We know that our current combination of enforcement, diversion, interdiction, treatment, and prevention is not working. Despite the number of people we have arrested, the illegal drug industry and the flow of drugs have remained undiminished. We should treat and address drug addiction outside of prison environments to the extent that we can.

Our nation’s broken drug policies are just one reason why we must reexamine the entire criminal justice system. That is why I introduced the National Criminal Justice Commission Act of 2009 (S.714) on March 26, 2009. S.714 is a bipartisan bill to create a blue-ribbon commission charged with conducting an 18-month, top-to-bottom review of the nation’s entire criminal justice system and offering concrete recommendations for reform. Commissioners will be tasked with proposing tangible, wide-ranging reforms, including restructuring our approach to drug criminalization.

As the U.S. Senate debates matters pertaining to drug policy and sentencing in the United States, I will keep your specific views in mind. I hope you continue to share your views with me and my staff in the years ahead.

I would also invite you to visit my website at www.webb.senate.gov for regular updates about my activities and positions on matters that are important to Virginia and our nation.

Thank you once again for contacting my office.

Sincerely,

Jim Webb
United States Senator

JW: ja

Author: harold

“There is almost no marital problem that can’t be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.”

– Garrison Keillor
Author: harold

A scientist from Texas University

has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist was taken outside by a large group of cowboys and had the shit kicked out of him.
Author: harold